She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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