if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
