fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
