Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
