I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
