if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Two words: blizzard sex
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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