I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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