You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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