exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
