He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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