nut hugger
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's blow job season.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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