you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
