No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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