So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
