I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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