I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why are your pants in the freezer?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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