dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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