Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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