i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize