I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize