thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
