i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
