fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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