I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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