Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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