well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
