I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
