The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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