I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
