There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
