I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
