i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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