And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
