you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
