whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize