Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
