is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
her facebook's as public as her vagina
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
