omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
