Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
