I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
