Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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