so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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