Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
