I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
