Only a mothe r could love this liver
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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