I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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