She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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