Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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