I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
