hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
