i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dicks are not precious.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
