You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He passed out mid-signature
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
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