last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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