I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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