Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize