Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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