and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He did a backflip because drugs
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
