Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
