There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
