my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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