I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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