And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize