Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just high enough for therapy.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
