I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
