Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
