I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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