I need help removing her.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
