I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
