I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize