beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
