Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Boobs speak an international language.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
