eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Randomize
